Kiss
Puke
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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