Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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