I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
