she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
