I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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