The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
