I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
