Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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