WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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