garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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