these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
