Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize