I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
