you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
