I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
