I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
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