Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
