Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
