38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize