end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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