I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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