I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We left the knife in your bed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
