I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
