Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
