Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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