I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
