He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
