I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
