3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
