Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize