careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
