I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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