I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize