sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
