handjob tips. give me some.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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