he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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