at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My dick has a subreddit
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
