i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
