you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
