I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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