so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
