I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
