Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize