weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
