Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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