Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
