I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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