dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
