He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
