Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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