He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
