if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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