So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
