After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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