i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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