I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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