how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
