Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
