i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
