seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
