im drinking this country out of the recession.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
