I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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