It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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