Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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