hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
