it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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