I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
